Wave

That's what Ian does when someone leaves the room, when a meal is over, when you put something away. And that's what I'm doing to Niki's World, waving goodbye. I have been through many stages of cutting this, that and whatever, making room for life as we now know it. I applied a scalpel to my Etsy shop more than once, and just this week I hit it with the machete and closed it. After much soul searching, hour upon hour of sitting up with Ian between dusk and dawn, and innumerable tears, it came down to two activities that I just can't drop - journaling and taking pictures. Unfortunately, Niki's World did not "make the cut." So I bid adieu to the blog, making room for more play time with Ian, taking better care of the dogs, working at the job I love even more than I thought I would, spending time with my husband and family, running errands, and seeing where this life leads. I am blessed to have all that I have and that I'm able to do all that I do. Thank you for taking this short journey with me. Perhaps I'll be back someday.... 

5 pm On A Friday

February 24. That's the day our baby boy became a little boy. I swear I saw the last wisps of baby leave his body, as he sat before me. We were on the floor, having a snack, as he shooed the dogs away from his Club crackers, kept saying "Mama," sat perfectly upright in his little boy t-shirt and pants, asked for another cracker when he was ready, and crawled over for a hug when he was full. It was joyous and traumatic. Ahhh... motherhood. Equal parts heart break and heart explosion, as he grows and evolves and develops. My life looks so much better through his eyes, and I had a good life to begin with. I love my almost 1-year-old little boy. 

Do You Believe In Miracles?

In May-June of last year, I quit my professional job to stay home with our son. Our brand spankin' new baby boy! It was a joy, and a treasure, and a dream. We agreed that I would stay home for his first year. We looked at "if A happens and B doesn't and C gets a raise..." we could swing it, because during the pregnancy we hadn't planned for this turn of events. After the first of the year, when Ian was about 10-months-old, we looked at our finances again, talked about our future plans, discussed lifestyle options, now accounting for the happening of A AND B without C. We determined that come March, I would start to look for a job, giving me a couple of months to weigh my views on part-time versus full-time versus offering child-care in our home. I ruled out full-time pretty quickly. I envisioned pushing papers and counting paper clips, waiting for the clock to strike noon OR having a couple of other people's kids running around our house, so I could stay home with Ian and still get paid. 


Just a few days later, I received an email that a job I had been interested in for like two years, even while happily working at my previous job, had suddenly come available. It was with an organization for which I had volunteered for years, I had great passion for the mission, the skill set matched my experience, and the position was open without warning. I let them know that I would appreciate the chance to learn more at their convenience. Within a week I had a meeting. I was the only one who didn't know, until it was over, that it actually was an interview. And five days after that, the offer was made official. I am once again gainfully employed!


The position has been changed to part-time - whoot whoo!! My mom will come to our house and watch that "no longer brand spankin' new" now "on the verge of walking and in to everything" little boy - double whoot whoo!! I start the week before his first birthday - can you say, "per our agreement?" You can not underestimate the power of timing - one of the few things in our world that is truly beyond our control. I can still see myself sitting on the futon in Ian's room, visualizing my days spent any number of ways, after March, and gauging my feelings about it. I can still feel the emotions rising up in my stomach, as I didn't like this one or that one. 


This is my dream job. I've had two other dream jobs in my life. It's the kind of opportunity you accept and have faith the pieces will fall in the right places. I know I will miss Ian in the mornings and wonder what they are doing. I also know that if I'd said no, I would have forever wondered what else in our lives would have been different because you never know how A connects to B and leads to C.

Happy Valentine's Day

The Best Way to Age

I was thinking today about how everyone says, and it is so true, that your concept of time is different with children in the house. E will be one next month, and I certainly haven't gotten any younger in the past year. I have determined that having a kid in the house is the best way to age.  You're barely aware of the passage of time, except for watching him - the looks on his face as he matures, his development as he learns how to walk, his vocalizations as he talks in his own language - and you're nothing but thankful for this opportunity to view God's world through someone else's eyes. It is one of the best gifts. Not that I'm a proponent of go forth and procreate, unless that's your wish! Here's to the passage of time, at any rate, with loved ones by your side. 


My good friend Kelly Sue took this picture on our last play date. 

James brought home a balloon for me, which Ian loved (and thankfully wasn't afraid of).

Ian and Razzie play together all the time. Razzie loves it, and hates it!

Finding Biodiversity In Your Own Backyard

As a photographer, I occasionally check National Geographic's site for contest updates because to see one of my photos in their magazine would be a dream!! They didn't have any contests running the last time, so I poked around and clicked on an article about how their photographers use technology in the field, wherein I met Joel Sartore. Joel is from Nebraska and in 2006 he was looking for ways to stay close to home to help his wife, who was recovering from breast cancer treatments. He contacted the local children's zoo in Lincoln and had the idea to photograph the beasts not in their pseudo-natural environment but against stark black or white backdrops, helping to keep all things "equal" in terms of proportion and dimension from ladybugs to lions. That day's worked evolved into a goal to catalog every species in American zoos, recognizing that we have the best zoos in the world and someday not all of those animals will even exist. The Biodiversity Project was born. Sounds like... ho hum, probably been done before. Probably not. Check this out! 

And this one.

Then there was this one. 

The animals fly, hop, slither, and slink into Joel's mobile photo studio designed just for zoo animals. They have covered about one-third or 1,800 of America's zoo animal population in the past five years and intend to get them all. Images from the Biodiversity Project are available for purchase and help support the team's work. You can get an 8x10 for only 40 bucks. Scientists approximate that over 100 species become extinct every day! Imagine how our biodiversity is evolving without us even knowing it. 

Stop! Baby Time!

Dear Friends and Family,
It is with a hanging head that I write an apology for the delay with which you receive cards, emails, texts and pictures from me now. I am operating on what I lovingly call Baby Time. It is roughly 1x3 of the pace at which I formerly moved. Formerly being before the arrival of Ian Nikalos and everything taking three times longer than in that previous life. It has been almost 11 months now that he has been in this world and I can fairly say that equation has improved from 1x4. I am proud of this. I hope to some day attain the 1x2 level, but I understand that will likely be the peak of productivity. I love Ian, he's the light of my life, blah, blah, blah. I have accepted that getting out the door, unpacking the groceries, and even going to the bathroom now happen on Baby Time. It's kind of like Dog Years - 1 year is 7 years to a dog. Or, Marriage Years - that formula being a little more complicated, of course. Some years are like 1, those are the happy, fun ones. Some are like 5. Some are like, oh, I don't know, 20! Thus, as a woman of 40, with two dogs, one child, and a husband, God knows how old I actually am or what time it is!! Please keep in touch. 
Love, Niki